How to Avoid Being A Hyper-parent

Every parent wants nothing but the best for their kids. A mom would want her children to grow up to be wise, talented, and achievers. So she believes that for her to obtain that, her kids must be prepared early on. She enrolls them in dance classes, pushes them to participate in organizations in and out of school, and lets them get through a series of competitions in the hopes they would bring home the bacon.

You may be doing these because you want your children to achieve something, but guess what, they do not end up too nicely. For one, it makes you a hyperparent.

A hyperparent is someone who interferes in his or her child's life almost too often. Usually the main goal is to ensure that the kid becomes the first academically or not. You are more focused on goals than on building personal relationships with your kid.

How do you reduce yourself from becoming a hyperparent? Here are some tips:

Get back to what is important: relationships. Relationships should be given more importance than achievements. It is a whole lot better for you to keep your children than to lose them in awards and trophies. Besides, a lot of kids have actually developed resentments toward their parents, especially toward their moms, for the kind of pressure mothers give to them.

Praise and criticize in moderation. You know what they say: too much of something is bad. Children who are overly praised sometimes grow up to be arrogant or know-it-all. It is hard for them to distinguish between right and wrong. In the meantime, those who are usually criticized grow up to be anxious or depressed. They always feel the pressure to excel on their shoulders. It is always essential to strike a balance between criticism and praise. Do it when it is only necessary.

Spend time with your kid doing nothing. Consider being with your child for no reason at all. The purpose is to bond, to get to know the child beyond his or her achievements or recognitions. In the same way, the kid gets to know you more than just a directress or an overbearing parent.

Remind yourself that your child's life is not yours. One of the reasons why you tend to control your child's life is you are frustrated with your own. Perhaps you have plenty of dreams, but something happened, causing you to lose a lot or all of them. You are also ashamed because it feels like you have not accomplished something.

Dealing with ADHD

My son was recently diagnosed with ADHD.

After month of being labeled the problem child... getting notes home about his disruptive behavior and how he can't sit still.... how he's always acting impulsive ~ calling out in class and getting up from his seat ... after the looks from people at parties when he would flip out because the party was over and he didn't want to leave... after my own family questioning "what's wrong with him and you should have him tested" we did.

First, I noticed that when most people say you should have him/her tested they have no idea what they are talking about. This said... for the most part people should mind their own business.

My Husband and I finally took Brian to talk to behavioral pediatrician. He was diagnosed with ADHD.

Of course, I freaked... being so uneducated I though the worst and just saw future of special ed, medicine and therapy. So, I calmed down... listened to the Dr. who assured me there was "nothing wrong" with my son and educated me. He suggested books and a change in diet. 

"ADHD is a common behavioral disorder that affects an estimated 8% to 10% of school-age children. Boys are about three times more likely than girls to be diagnosed with it, though it's not yet understood why.

Kids with ADHD act without thinking, are hyperactive, and have trouble focusing. They may understand what's expected of them but have trouble following through because they can't sit still, pay attention, or attend to details.

Of course, all kids (especially younger ones) act this way at times, particularly when they're anxious or excited. But the difference with ADHD is that symptoms are present over a longer period of time and occur in different settings. They impair a child's ability to function socially, academically, and at home."

Brian is such a smart boy and I was most concerned with his performance at school and his grades. We were so against medicine at first so we tried behavioral techniques at home... after a while we realized we needed to go back to the Dr.

After a lot of consideration we opted to medicate Brian. His medicine is nothing like Ritalin or those drugs.. He is on a medication that wears off everyday about 6pm and only helps him focus at school. I couldn't believe the difference. He's taking pride in his work and getting 100's and is a lot more manageable at homework time. I feel like I have my little boy back.

The reason I just babbled all of that is because one thing that came out of this is we removed Red Dye #40 from Brian's diet.

After a suggestion from another parent who removed Red Dye from their child's diet we removed it from Brian's.

This is copied from another website but describes something similar to what I experienced with Brian..

After years of struggle with my children's behavior. I finally eliminated red dye 40 from their diet 2 years ago. What a change! My son, who was four years old during his worst time, had so much anger and uncontrollable frustrating episodes. I thought he could have some sort of conduct disorder and worried many nights about him growing into a man without regard for others. I knew that I needed to act right away and before he turned into a very strong teenager! I remember telling someone that we were eliminating sugar from his diet and she brought up eliminating red dye 40 and also other similar dyes.

His favorite drink, beginning when he was two, was strawberry milk- colored with red dye 40! After immediately eliminating that I noticed a significant change in his behavior and reactions to his brothers. It was then that I recalled a more peaceful son - when he was under two years old and dye-free at the time. Then I noticed every time he accidentally ate something with red-dye, he got this look on his face (a blank look- kind of angry or depressed look). It is a look that helps me to identify even to this day if he has had red-dye 40 or not accidentally. I need to feed them breakfast for now... so I will continue this later and also add suggestions for how you too can eliminate red dye 40 and other dyes.

It sounds crazy but it's true. Here are some interesting links... 

Dr. Feingold and ADHD Diet

This talks about the FDA being challenged to add warning labels on food with dyeshttp://www.feingold.org/enews/FDA-Vote.html